Because I was fine before, Alaska. I was fine with just me and last words and school friends, and you cant just make different and then die.” For she had embodied the Great Perhaps - she had proved me that it wort it to leave behind minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps. I could call everything the Colonel said and did “fine.” I could try to pretend that I didn’t care anymore but it could never be true again. You can’t just make yourself matter and then die, Alaska, because now I am irretrievably different, and I’m sorry I let you go, yes, but you made the choice You left me Perhapsless stuck in you goddamned labyrinth. And now I don’t even know if you chose the straight and fast way out, if you left me like this on purpose. And so I never knew you, did I?
- John Green, Looking for Alaska